Confessions of a 20-something swing dancer

(*Please take note, there's no romantic anything between me and the guy in the picture; swing dancing just has you dance with any and everyone. That's my buddy who makes goofy faces. We were fake ballroom dancing. :D )

I went swing dancing last night, as is my custom to do on [most] Friday nights. And I realized that there is some of the most phenomenal people watching there, some of which can even rival a shopping mall or casino.

I don't consider myself an awesome dancer. I don't think I suck, and I think I have a grasp on what to do, so I try hard to be a good follow. I was standing on the sidelines of one dance just watching people, and I realized that on the dance floor we all have the same goal: to shake our butts and work it out. Granted there are people who do it for different reasons, but it boils down to wanting to be so expressive with yourself. Dancing really is freeing. I know every time I spin or do the Charleston, I feel more free to be myself than I do outside of dancing. Now, there are people who are there to show off, girls who wear this or that to get more attention, guys who try moves beyond their skill level...

Last night in the ladies room a woman told me that I look great on the dance floor, and I look very coordinated. I blushed a little and thanked her because most of the time I feel a bit awkward and like I completely miss cues. Then later on I was slow dancing with this guy, and I made a comment that I never knew what to do with slow awkward songs (which the band last night is infamous for...), and he said there's plenty you can do! So we started doing different things and I made grandiose gestures and had ridiculous expressions on my face. He was cracking up the whole time, which was my goal, so score for me. :o) Then he said that I'm a beautiful dancer and very light on my feet. Again, I blushed and thanked him. It took me back to my first time swing dancing in January of 2010. I was dancing with a friend of mine that I knew from church, and he made the mistake of saying these fateful words: "I'm going to try 'The Whip' on you." Me, being a naive 23 year old had no idea what "The Whip" was and swing dancing scared me so I went along with it. Coming out of the move somehow I punched him right in the chest. After making sure he was ok it was hilarious. :)

All that to say, it's fun to think about where you've come from in things. And it's nice to have a tangible way of measuring your success. Future goals include doing a jam at one of the dances, and eventually doing aerials. But I need to lose weight for that one. That's all good though, that's on my list of things to do as well. ;)

"I'm single because I have standards"

"Yeah and you're single because you're following God."

Tonight at church, a friend of mine made a comment after I said "I move for NO MAN!" in a purely joking manner, and he responds with the following gem:

"Yeah and that's why you don't have a man."

I stood there stunned for a minute. Completely, utterly stunned.

I'm not single because I'm stubborn. I'm not single because I even really want to be. I'm not single because no one wants me.

I'm single because I have standards. God-ordained, God-inspired standards. I'm single because I'm waiting for the fruition of a promise that was given to me 4.5 years ago. I've had a couple of men pursue me, and whether I liked it or not, I've turned them down because I have a slight idea of what God wants for me. I've gone on dates and none have seemed to "click".

Thankfully my friend not only apologized for what he said and let me punch him, but he made the effort to get my cell number from a mutual friend, call me up, and apologize again. I forgave him after his initial apology (and my nasty little right hook into his bicep...) but it got me thinking and it was nice to have him kind get how upset it made me...

Mostly it got me thinking again about God and His promise. I can think of 3 men right now that seem like they would be good matches. Can I say anything to any of them about it? Nope. God told me not to. So I'm sitting and waiting, attempting this blasted thing called "patience", and seeing what will happen. It's kind of hard going to 2 weddings in 1 week, 1 baby shower, and seeing countless (literally) pictures on Facebook of at least 5 couples I know that have gotten married in the last few weeks.

But.

God is faithful. And He is good. and He has always had my best intentions at heart.

Father forgive me for when my patience dwindles. Forgive me for when I don't feel like caring about anything other than my own wants and desires. Help me to focus on You and remember how beautiful Your timing is.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, and who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Stranger Danger!!

I'm currently house sitting for a friend and I'm staying alone in her family's big, lovely home. They have 3 dogs who are pretty sweet and laid back. However they also bark/howl at anything that comes nearby.

This isn't a big deal except when you mix in that the young lady house-sitting has an incredibly over-active imagination. I called up my friend because I was freaking out about their barking so late at night, and so much, and out it came: "I think the problem is I've never felt safe anywhere."

I pondered this statement for a moment... Where did that come from? Then it all dawned on me: there was someone raped in my home neighborhood when I was a kid. I was sexually abused as a child in 2 states. My family is filled with worry-warts. Between all that... I've never felt safe anywhere. That's why I'm scared of the dark. That's why I am paranoid of something hiding in the dark. That's why I freak out over every little noise and creak in a house...

Man, I should pay myself for the bangin' psycho-analysis.

Abba help me to trust in You. Help me to know that Your will is Your will. Give me peace to sleep through the night. Give me rest where I am scared. Hold me when I'm afraid. Help me not be so scared...

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. - 2 Timothy 1:7

"Just" Ruins Lives

It’s amazing the power that words have over us. What’s even more astounding is the power willingly give to words.

For example. Think of a 4-letter word. No not that one; this is a family-friendly blog. Think of a 4-letter word that starts with “J”. Got it? Ok my title might have given it away.

“Just”

“Just” is a word that unless absolutely necessary, I’m trying to abolish from my vocabulary. I have no qualms with using it in a comforting or consoling manner: “It’s just a little scrape”, “it’s just a few bucks”, or the ever-so-classic-yet-defiant, “it’s just a flesh wound!”.

What’s my recent vendetta against the “J” word? When I first started working at my current job as an administrative assistant, I was introduced to someone and I said “Oh I’m just their admin.” The person looked at me and said “no one is ‘just’ anything. You matter a lot more than ‘just’.” It’s something that’s stuck with me even to this day, and I’ve been here about 8 months now.

Let’s look at my moniker for my blog: “Just-A-Redhead”. Shame on me! It’s not much of a secret if you know me or if you’ve read this blog for any amount of time that I’ve got quite the history of self-hate. For the better part of my life I hated my body, I hated my self, and pretty much thought I was worthless. I would be extroverted to a T then consider myself “just another dumb teenager” inside. When I was in college, I was “just a college student”. When I was in a relationship, I was “just X’s girlfriend” at events. I’m involved in children’s ministry at my church and there I’ve considered myself “just another volunteer.”

I’m not just anything.

I am Chosen (1 Peter 2:9)

I am Forgiven (Colossians 1:13-14)

I have a Purpose (Jeremiah 29:11)

I am New (2 Corinthians 5:17)

I bring Light to dark places (Matthew 5:14)

I am Beloved (Song of Songs 6:3)

I am a Daugher, an Admin, a Cousin, a Teacher [of children], a Friend, a Woman, a Granddaughter, a Dancer, a Redhead.

By calling myself on this blog “Just-A-Redhead”, I’m shorting myself so much. I’m more than “Just a Redhead”. A friend once told me that I’m multi-faceted like a precious stone.

Precious stones aren’t just rocks. They’re treasured, admired, used to adorn people and things. Using “just” is fine in certain contexts, but don’t ever refer to yourself or to another person as “just” anything.

No one is “just” anything. Love yourself more than that. Someone else does.

Abba help me to see my full potential in life, and to realize how much You truly love me…

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." (Ephesians 2:10 NLT) 


"You never change, You're still the same..."

I was driving home today and I realized I can not wait until I can sing with/dance with/love/kiss someone in the rain.

All about Your timing, Abba.

Content.

And completely enamored by a big God.

For the first time...

Do you ever read something that you know you've read/heard a million times, and it seems like it's happening for the first time? That's never really happened to me with the Bible, since I've grown up in church and went to Bible college and all that stuff. But yesterday was different.

I was supposed to teach from Esther 4 in kid's church yesterday, so I spent a lot of time yesterday afternoon [being a procrastinator and] prepping for my lesson. I read through chapters 1-3 to get a better feel for it, since I have heard it so much, and I wanted to make sure I got all the details right.

I swear, it was like the first time reading it.

The pretty standard things that people will preach out of Esther is 1)Esther was a queen who managed to save all the Jews, and 2) it took courage for this woman to go to her husband the King and reveal that not only did she want the lives of all the Jews, but hers as well since she was a Jew.

My biggest revelation?

God works out the craziest things to save lives. Ester 4:14 (NIrV) says "...perhaps you became a queen for such a time as this." I swear I just sat there stunned for a few minutes. Now, as I told the kids, Esther wasn't really anyone pre-Queen. She was a beautiful girl who'd lost both parents and had been raised by her cousin Mordecai. She had a pleasant demeanor and gentle spirit, and because of these things plus her beauty, the King found favor in her.

She was created beautiful so a King would fall in love with her so she could one day save a nation.

That just struck me in such a huge, thunderous kind of way. I told the kids last night that they were all created to be who they are "for such a time as this." There are things they can do that I'll never be able to do. There are things I can do that they'll never be able to do. I told them that I firmly believe with everything in me that they can change the world if they just have the courage. Yes, we don't have a monarchy so it's very likely that none of them will ever be in that kind of situation, but... We serve a crazy awesome God. We serve an extremely creative God who works out the strangest circumstances for His glory.

Esther had so much courage... When she went to see her husband, she knew there was a chance she could be killed unless he waved the royal scepter at her. Back in the day it was actually illegal to just go see the king without being summoned, so she had a lot at stake. And because of her beauty and her demeanor, the King not only waved the scepter at her but also offered her up to 1/2 of his kingdom if it's what she wanted.

I was created "for such a time as this." Now, I don't know when exactly that sentiment will be true, but it IS going to be true. I've got a special purpose in my life, as do you, whether you accept it or not.

Cheers,
A Redhead

Abba help me to have courage like Esther. Help me to realize that what I see as mediocre can be used for your glory.

Esther 4:14 (NIRV)
"Who knows? It's possible that you became queen for a time just like this."