Don't take it for granted. . .

I take things for granted.
But especially I feel like I take Jesus and His grace for granted. Seriously.
I've graduated with my bachelor's degree from a Christian college, am a licensed reverend, and have been a Christian most of my life, yet I'm fairly certain I take Jesus for granted. I'm embarrassed to say so, but it's a fact.

I was reading through someone else's blog, and I was envious because they seem to have such a passion that I don't always have. Granted no one ever has a permanent passion, in comes and goes, but I realized it's because I've grown up in church.

Now if you've read my blog or know at all, you know that I've had my fair share of troubles in life: eating disorder, severe depression, bad relationships, etc. . . But I was a Christian before and after that. I wasn't living completely in sin then had a Saul experience where I was blinded by God then surrendered to Him. I'm not short-changing my testimony at all- I really do have an incredible testimony, and God has been so ridiculously good to me. But I just wonder how I seem to take it for granted when I don't deserve any of it.

I think I'm bothered that I don't tell people about Him more and have more enthusiasm for the goodness that is God. I don't brag on Jesus enough I suppose. That kinda sucks. :\

Abba forgive me for when I'm not thankful enough & I take You for granted. I pray that I will remember how much you've really done for me.

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ..." Ephesians 1:7-9

Hmmm. . .

Thanks Paul Wright for the good song. .
"Fly Away"

she's got dreams dreams that he's got things
that'll open up her sky so she can use her wings
to fly away.

she looks out her window
watching people as they pass on by
some of them want to come inside
man oh man one on one i wonder which one will she trust
cuz some men only lust
and she wants a man who can understand
what a woman wants and if he can appreciate her and not deface her
and she wants a king with a diamond ring
not some prince charming who's gonna steal everything that he gave her
yea

she's got to fly away (uh 1-2, uh 1-2, uh 1-2)
i watch her walk next to you but soon
she's got to get away (oh that's true, oh that's true, oh that's true)
i hope her dreams do come true
cuz she is a butterfly
spreadin spreadin spreadin spreadin
spreading her wings
(she's beautiful, she's beautiful, she's beautiful)

but her heart is a kingdom without a king
and without him she can't sing
so she waits on a watchtower
hoping praying waiting for his arrival (and all the people in the world say)
and then they'll

and she wants a family (family) she wants a lover (lover)
she wants a best friend closer than any other
a man that's true she wants a man who
can hear God's voice and know what he is called to do
she wants a hard worker not some lazy bum
but a man who knows how to get the job done
she wants a family to be a mother and raise a child that came from her
yea

she's got dreams dreams that he's got things things
that'll open up her sky so she can use her wings
to (to to) fly away
she's got dreams dreams that he's got things things
that'll open up her sky so she can use her wings
to (to to) fly away

she's got to fly away (fly away)
she's got to find her way
she's got to fly away

she?s on the ground learning to fly but she?s flying now
she?s on the ground it?s time to fly she?s gonna fly now
she?s on the ground looking down it?s time to fly ya?ll
she?s on the ground but watch her rise and fly away
she was looking down but now she?s looking to the sky ya?ll
spreading her wings to give it a try give it a try give it a try
to fly away when the rest of the girls are on the fall ya?ll
she?s spreading her wings to fly away

cuz she?s got dreams dreams that he?s got things things
that?ll open up her sky so she can use her wings
to (to to) fly away

I'm apparently forgetful. . .

How is it that when it comes to important decisions, I manage to forget to talk to Jesus? How is it that when I reflect on my life I don't always utter at minimum a quick "thanks"?
Part of me feels like I should berate myself for this. The other part realizes that I'm human and it's normal to forget.

Perfect example: This job opportunity. It sounds pretty cool. The boss seems nice. The environment looks neat. I've heard encouragement from friends and new acquaintances. But did I talk to God about it? Did I bother consulting and seeing what He thinks about it?
Nope.

And I still haven't. What the crap? How hard is it? Am I just scared to hear the answer? Am I scared to hear that yes, I may have to move across the country? Or on the flip side am I scared to hear "nope. keep looking"?

"And now I've found the greatest love of all is mine, since You laid down Your life, the greatest sacrifice. Majesty. Majesty. Your grace has found me just as I am, empty handed but alive in Your hands."

Abba forgive me when I forget. I love you. Help me to remember to keep You in the big picture and remember this is all about Your timing; not mine. Gracias por su gracia.

But we haven't met yet?

Do you think it's possible to love someone you've never met? Maybe it's because I've grown up so much in the last couple of years, and learned so much about myself, but I feel like I'm ready to be in a relationship. I see relationships on TV, the computer, and even in my own life, and something inside my heart pulls a bit. Something inside of me wants that. Then every time I get that feeling, I say a quick prayer for whoever he is and hope that there's a chance he's thinking of me too. 

Ack I'm a romantic. Sickening, isn't it? It's quite possibly because I'm watching "P.S. I Love You"- in fact I can almost guarantee that's why I'm thinking so much of this. However even looking at my parents and seeing how much they love each other and the flirting that happens makes something twitch inside and say "I want that." Which there's nothing wrong with that, I really don't think there is. In fact I'm fairly certain the longer I'm single the more I can whittle away things that I actually want versus things I think I want. I can also pare away the things I used to want versus the things God wants. 

I can look back on myself in the last few years and feel a sense of pride, knowing I'm nothing like the girl I used to be. I'd like to think it's all for the better, and sure I still have some kinks to work out, but there'd be no fun if there wasn't some pain. I'm not boy crazy like I used to be. I'm picky with my choices in men, and I know that's ok. I have a list of things I want to do in my life, and it's ok that I'm not sure which is going to happen first- at least I have a list. I pray for my future husband and that he's going through some hell like I've had to. It's only fair after all. ;) I pray for direction pretty darn regularly. I'm in love with God. I have confidence that I never would have thought possible. I have such an amazingly talented group of friends who bless me on a regular basis. I never would have thought I would know such incredible people, but God has given me so much more than I deserve. 

I'm excited for whatever my future hubby's going to be like. Knowing how picky I am, he's going to be pretty dang cool. ;)