It's not my nature.
Granted I don't go on a freak out if I don't get something my way in my timing, but internally I might be a bit frustrated that my plans aren't going my way.
I read a Xanga entry from someone the other day talking about relationships. I almost didn't read it, but then I thought about how I've been in a funk recently about being single for the last 2.5 years and I decided to read it. Before I get into this, please understand that I'm very happy being single. I'm very happy with decisions I made that led me to where I'm at. It's nothing like that. However if you've been single for any length of time you know how frustrating it can be when you're 1) interested in someone and nothing comes of it, or 2) there's some fun flirting in a public place like a grocery store or bank or wherever and nothing happens. Anyway, in the xanga blog the girl was talking about my least favorite thing: patience.
It boiled down to her giving advice to a guy friend that he wasn't willing to be patient and put time into making a relationship happen: he wanted the girl to marry right then and there. I read through, nodded in agreement a few times, then realized it was because I was looking at myself. When I broke up with my last boyfriend, he told me that he had planned on asking my parents that week if he could marry me. It was hard to realize that I could have been married probably this summer but instead I had to start back at square one. I want to be married: I want a husband, to start a family, and to start that stage of my life. Being the impatient young lady that I am, I want it now; I don't want to wait until I'm 25 or whenever. However I haven't met someone that's worthy of that role in my life. I need to be patient and invest time andpatience (groan) into a man and develop a friendship with him then a relationship. Honestly when I start dating a man, hopefully we'll already be best friends. Because of my impatient nature I want the perfect man to sweep me off my feet at a coffee shop, we'll fall madly in love and be married within the year.
But that's not God's plan for relationships.
It's not God's plans for life at all, in fact.
Think about it: God spent 6 days creating this universe we know when he could have sneezed and it would have all appeared in perfect working order. Natural evolution? Species evolving? It takes hundreds and thousands of years. It could happen overnight but it takes longer than our lifetime. Patience IS a virtue because otherwise you can miss life happening around you.
Well that sucks for me, the ever impatient one.
Now about my current predicament with not having a job. I'm still not a patient person. I still need a job desperately. But I have to believe that there's a reason I don't have a job, and when I do get it I'm sure it will be well worth the wait. I want a job now, I want a relationship now, I don't want to be patient.
However it's just part of God's bigger plan. I'll be a better woman for it by the end of it.
If I can wait that long. ;)
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