"The greatest love of all is mine"

Well hellooo blogger! Notice anything different? Oh! Yes! A nose piercing! It's not the only thing that's different. My life has literally kicked into high gear since my last post. Once I got home from that wedding in August, I started my job September 8th, then started co-teaching a 4 year old Rainbows class at church.

Let me tell you, I've been crazy busy but loving my life. :) I've made some incredible new friends at church that are all fairly new to the church itself, so it's really pretty perfect timing. I never saw myself as a 4 yr olds teacher, but I have to admit that I love it. :) My co-teacher is incredible and has become a great friend through all this. Plus I just love my kids. Seriously they're adorable. We have between 12 and 16 kids a week, and for the most part they're wonderful little kids. Granted they have their moments, but they're 4, what do you expect?

My job's going really well. :) I feel like I'm picking stuff up at a decent rate, but I still worry about doing things wrong. I'm new so I suppose that's normal. My co-workers are pretty great for the most part. There's one guy who's a snot, but apparently *no one* in the office likes him. Which I actually find really sad. . . But he's one of those people that doesn't seem to help the situation either.

Me and God. . . We're doing good. :) I'm making an effort to better my life lately, in health and spirit. I'm going to start eating better and working out. Because of my crap knee though I think I'm going to start swimming at the gym. Hopefully that will go well, I want to *feel* good. I don't even care what weight I am, I just want to be healthy. God's been teaching me a lot lately. Specifically when it comes to men folk. =P I've been praying for my future hubby, both that I meet him quickly and that he's doing well. I don't even feel like I *need* a husband, I just want one. And I'd like him sooner rather than later. But I feel like God wants me to prepare myself for a guy. I don't know who or where he is, but I want God's timing with everything. I'm really excited. :)

I think I'm at a good place in my life, and I think it's by the grace of God. My biggest concern with moving back home was having friends, and I seriously have amazing friends here. My 23rd birthday was this past Wednesday, and I had 12 fabulous people playing laser tag with me. :) There would have been more but they couldn't come for a myriad of reasons. I'm not trying to brag at all, I'm trying to show how faithful God's been to me. I'm a happy, happy little redhead. :o)

"Thank you Abba for showing me your faithfulness. You are the greatest love of all."

Drawn to the voice of my Savior once again. . .

She spun and she spun and she spun. Round and round, a blur of blues and greens from her dress. Tears flowed down her face and endless songs poured from her pink lips.
She was dancing with God. She knew it. She could feel it. She almost thought she could have lifted off the ground with the elation she felt. This was just their time. Just their time to be together and dance.
"How He loves us..." she whispered. She almost wanted to collapse at the overwhelming weight of that. For a moment she paused spinning and just lifted her closed eyes to the sky and worshiped her Father. Swaying back and forth, like a little girl dancing for her daddy, she continued to sing: "love's like a hurricane, i am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy." She felt so free. So carefree and happy to just be dancing around, a little girl for her Father.
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I got a call today that prompted the emotional worship you read above. A job. A prospective employer calling me to offer me a position, and one that was actually higher than the original position I applied for. Of course I accepted: it was full-time, had benefits, and pays $1.50 more than the original position I applied for.

God amazes me. Seriously, He never ceases to amaze me. I've been looking for jobs since Christmas break and all the while I've been concerned about the 2 weddings I was going to: one in mid-August and the other one I'm a bridesmaid in in September. This job starts September 8th, the Tuesday after the wedding I'm in. =) Now, yes I've been unemployed and been super strapped for money, but I can honestly say that my bills have never been late since Christmas. Somehow money's come around in some way, shape, or form. Even if it was working at Starbucks for those 3 weeks, and as miserable as I was, I know it was God's way of keeping me financially afloat. This job I'm getting will be more than enough to pay my bills and save some money. I really am a blessed woman. . . I feel good about this job: I feel very encouraged.

Now I am still single, and I do want to be in a relationship, but I know that God's got it covered. I know my entire life has been planned in such a way, and I know even moreso about how annoying that is sometimes. But I also know that I've never been disappointed or upset about God's plans. I know he's out there somewhere, wondering where I'm at, and I'm sure we'll meet at it'll be stars and rockets everywhere. Ok maybe not literally but either way. I know God's timing is perfect.

All I need is You Lord, all I need is You.
Abba forgive me for not always trusting you. But I'm so thankful for Your grace and Your faithfulness to me over the years. I'm so thankful that you and I danced together and I feel safe in Your presence. Lord I pray for my daily bread to be taken care of.

"This, then, is how you should pray:
"'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.'" Matthew 6:9-13

It's been awhile. . .

Well it's been since June since I've graced the blogspot-sphere. Many-a-things have happened since then. . .

• I've moved back to VA.
  
• I'm still unemployed.
• I'm somehow happier than I thought I could be.

Yep. It's true. I mean I loved living with my roommate in PA and seeing the friends up there that I did, but I lived with a constant heaviness of debt over my head from my rent and my CC bill and impending student loans being due.
Granted I still have student loans coming up in November, and my credit card bill is ridiculously high, but I'm happy. Things are syncing here.

God's doing something big in my life and I'm not entirely sure what it is. I'm excited- I'm praying that whatever it is I'll be prepared and equally excited when it happens. I went to kid's camp this past week and it was incredible. I went fully expecting to just serve kids and have fun and be covered in bug's spray, and what I got was so much more than that. I developed friendships with a bunch of kids, became closer to some pre-existing friends, and more importantly heard from God.

Is it sad I wasn't expecting that? All this time God spends telling me to always be expecting, and then I spend a week serving others and don't expect God to move in my life? Seriously? anyway. Off of my silliness. Wednesday night I went outside of the service and walked around in the rain, singing and praying because I felt like God wanted to speak. . . Essentially this is what He said:
"You need to stop being so scared of being a children's pastor. This is what I've called you to do and you know you can do it once you get past your own fears. You're so capable and you don't even realize it." Tagged along with that was the affirmation that I'm where I'm supposed to be at the moment. I don't need to worry about looking for a job outside of the area since I'm supposed to be here for now.
The next morning I was getting coffee before the morning service, and PG came in and we were chatting about coffee, when all of a sudden he started shmoozing me about being a great CP.
Things HE said:

• "You're going to be a great children's pastor someday."
• "You're very personable and like to organize- those are two things children's pastors need to have."
  
• "You make friends easily so you won't have a problem getting volunteers."
• "I've seen you at [church in PA], and I know when you get nervous you mess up- but we all do it. We all have our off days and we all forget stuff. But I know when you're ready and prepared you do well."

So, suffice to say, I'm so blessed despite being unemployed, broke as a joke, and in debt. :)

"Abba thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for never letting me forget to expect the unexpected. I pray that I will be prepared for whatever's coming my way and be a better woman for it in the end."

Why does patience have to be a virtue?

I'm not a patient person.
It's not my nature.
Granted I don't go on a freak out if I don't get something my way in my timing, but internally I might be a bit frustrated that my plans aren't going my way.

I read a Xanga entry from someone the other day talking about relationships. I almost didn't read it, but then I thought about how I've been in a funk recently about being single for the last 2.5 years and I decided to read it. Before I get into this, please understand that I'm very happy being single. I'm very happy with decisions I made that led me to where I'm at. It's nothing like that. However if you've been single for any length of time you know how frustrating it can be when you're 1) interested in someone and nothing comes of it, or 2) there's some fun flirting in a public place like a grocery store or bank or wherever and nothing happens. Anyway, in the xanga blog the girl was talking about my least favorite thing: patience.
It boiled down to her giving advice to a guy friend that he wasn't willing to be patient and put time into making a relationship happen: he wanted the girl to marry right then and there. I read through, nodded in agreement a few times, then realized it was because I was looking at myself. When I broke up with my last boyfriend, he told me that he had planned on asking my parents that week if he could marry me. It was hard to realize that I could have been married probably this summer but instead I had to start back at square one. I want to be married: I want a husband, to start a family, and to start that stage of my life. Being the impatient young lady that I am, I want it now; I don't want to wait until I'm 25 or whenever. However I haven't met someone that's worthy of that role in my life. I need to be patient and invest time andpatience (groan) into a man and develop a friendship with him then a relationship. Honestly when I start dating a man, hopefully we'll already be best friends. Because of my impatient nature I want the perfect man to sweep me off my feet at a coffee shop, we'll fall madly in love and be married within the year.

But that's not God's plan for relationships.
It's not God's plans for life at all, in fact.
Think about it: God spent 6 days creating this universe we know when he could have sneezed and it would have all appeared in perfect working order. Natural evolution? Species evolving? It takes hundreds and thousands of years. It could happen overnight but it takes longer than our lifetime. Patience IS a virtue because otherwise you can miss life happening around you.

Well that sucks for me, the ever impatient one.

Now about my current predicament with not having a job. I'm still not a patient person. I still need a job desperately. But I have to believe that there's a reason I don't have a job, and when I do get it I'm sure it will be well worth the wait. I want a job now, I want a relationship now, I don't want to be patient.

However it's just part of God's bigger plan. I'll be a better woman for it by the end of it.

If I can wait that long. ;)

Don't take it for granted. . .

I take things for granted.
But especially I feel like I take Jesus and His grace for granted. Seriously.
I've graduated with my bachelor's degree from a Christian college, am a licensed reverend, and have been a Christian most of my life, yet I'm fairly certain I take Jesus for granted. I'm embarrassed to say so, but it's a fact.

I was reading through someone else's blog, and I was envious because they seem to have such a passion that I don't always have. Granted no one ever has a permanent passion, in comes and goes, but I realized it's because I've grown up in church.

Now if you've read my blog or know at all, you know that I've had my fair share of troubles in life: eating disorder, severe depression, bad relationships, etc. . . But I was a Christian before and after that. I wasn't living completely in sin then had a Saul experience where I was blinded by God then surrendered to Him. I'm not short-changing my testimony at all- I really do have an incredible testimony, and God has been so ridiculously good to me. But I just wonder how I seem to take it for granted when I don't deserve any of it.

I think I'm bothered that I don't tell people about Him more and have more enthusiasm for the goodness that is God. I don't brag on Jesus enough I suppose. That kinda sucks. :\

Abba forgive me for when I'm not thankful enough & I take You for granted. I pray that I will remember how much you've really done for me.

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ..." Ephesians 1:7-9

Hmmm. . .

Thanks Paul Wright for the good song. .
"Fly Away"

she's got dreams dreams that he's got things
that'll open up her sky so she can use her wings
to fly away.

she looks out her window
watching people as they pass on by
some of them want to come inside
man oh man one on one i wonder which one will she trust
cuz some men only lust
and she wants a man who can understand
what a woman wants and if he can appreciate her and not deface her
and she wants a king with a diamond ring
not some prince charming who's gonna steal everything that he gave her
yea

she's got to fly away (uh 1-2, uh 1-2, uh 1-2)
i watch her walk next to you but soon
she's got to get away (oh that's true, oh that's true, oh that's true)
i hope her dreams do come true
cuz she is a butterfly
spreadin spreadin spreadin spreadin
spreading her wings
(she's beautiful, she's beautiful, she's beautiful)

but her heart is a kingdom without a king
and without him she can't sing
so she waits on a watchtower
hoping praying waiting for his arrival (and all the people in the world say)
and then they'll

and she wants a family (family) she wants a lover (lover)
she wants a best friend closer than any other
a man that's true she wants a man who
can hear God's voice and know what he is called to do
she wants a hard worker not some lazy bum
but a man who knows how to get the job done
she wants a family to be a mother and raise a child that came from her
yea

she's got dreams dreams that he's got things things
that'll open up her sky so she can use her wings
to (to to) fly away
she's got dreams dreams that he's got things things
that'll open up her sky so she can use her wings
to (to to) fly away

she's got to fly away (fly away)
she's got to find her way
she's got to fly away

she?s on the ground learning to fly but she?s flying now
she?s on the ground it?s time to fly she?s gonna fly now
she?s on the ground looking down it?s time to fly ya?ll
she?s on the ground but watch her rise and fly away
she was looking down but now she?s looking to the sky ya?ll
spreading her wings to give it a try give it a try give it a try
to fly away when the rest of the girls are on the fall ya?ll
she?s spreading her wings to fly away

cuz she?s got dreams dreams that he?s got things things
that?ll open up her sky so she can use her wings
to (to to) fly away

I'm apparently forgetful. . .

How is it that when it comes to important decisions, I manage to forget to talk to Jesus? How is it that when I reflect on my life I don't always utter at minimum a quick "thanks"?
Part of me feels like I should berate myself for this. The other part realizes that I'm human and it's normal to forget.

Perfect example: This job opportunity. It sounds pretty cool. The boss seems nice. The environment looks neat. I've heard encouragement from friends and new acquaintances. But did I talk to God about it? Did I bother consulting and seeing what He thinks about it?
Nope.

And I still haven't. What the crap? How hard is it? Am I just scared to hear the answer? Am I scared to hear that yes, I may have to move across the country? Or on the flip side am I scared to hear "nope. keep looking"?

"And now I've found the greatest love of all is mine, since You laid down Your life, the greatest sacrifice. Majesty. Majesty. Your grace has found me just as I am, empty handed but alive in Your hands."

Abba forgive me when I forget. I love you. Help me to remember to keep You in the big picture and remember this is all about Your timing; not mine. Gracias por su gracia.